Don’t get me wrong, the suggestions are good and they do work to “…raise a confident, lifelong reader”—in some children. Worked for my daughter–an absolutely avid reader. Yet, I did the same things with my son, and he does not love to read–not for enjoyment, anyways. He is an effective reader, I made sure of that, but pick up a book for fun–are you kidding??

And–it isn’t a gender thing–I know many boys who enjoy reading and many girls who don’t–no matter what, when or how they are exposed to books and reading. There are kids who just don’t love reading–will never love reading–will never, ever be bookworms, no matter what parents do–so don’t feel guilty if your child is one of them.

Make sure your child is a fluent reader with good comprehension and application skills–and of course, continue to expose them to new books–I still do that to my son and he is an adult—and every so often, he will actually read a book–wait for it–just for pure enjoyment.

I have spent more time assisting clients in the “in’s and out’s” of navigating multiple choice questions than almost anything else in the testing situation. Many post secondary schools use this form of testing almost exclusively as it is easier to grade–done by computers, you see. Then, since most students don’t even see their tests / exams, they have no clue what it is they don’t get—the actual concept, the obliquely worded question or the deceptive answers–seemingly written to trick rather than assess.

Sadly,students may know their content, be able to apply it–but simply cannot decipher what is being asked. They are in a no-win situation– defeated before they even start.

So to answer the question I posed at the beginning–Multiple Choice Tests are not accurate assessments of skill, knowledge, understanding, application–nothing really to do with learning. It is simply easier–easier for the educators, that is.

Besides,what exactly is all the secrecy about? The student wrote the exam–it is therefore “their” exam–why are they being denied access to “their” own personal property–so to speak. I would really like to hear an explanation, a justification, a reason–something for this “policy”. What is this policy based on–who is it protecting–and what is it protecting?

Back in the old days–an exam was given back, time was spent going over it in class in much detail and then–wait for it– the exam went home with the student. What a unique concept!!!!

Self esteem does not mean simply feeling good about yourself, although that is of course part of it. I have seen and been with children who feel so good about themselves that they think the world owes them–they can do no wrong–what they say or do is just “perfect”. These are the rude, self absorbed products of mindless and baseless praise by well meaning parents, who think they are building their child’s self esteem.

Praise is important, however it should be specific,realistic and truthful. If improvement is necessary–say so. Will your child like it–not necessarily–mine don’t always. However they will grow up with a true sense of their abilities and will eventually appreciate your truthfulness.

True self esteem also includes respect and understanding–respect for other people’s abilities and understanding for their needs and challenges. This leads to empathy which is an outward expression of an inner understanding and acceptance of self. When you understand and accept yourself, you can understand and accept others.

So, parents, there really is more to self esteem than just simply liking yourself.

One was that hot cocoa can be used to help your child concentrate during challenging tasks especially cocoa having a high cacao content as cacao contains flavonols which increase blood flow to the brain. Now, I do enjoy cocoa, however in my case, it does the complete opposite–rather than increasing alertness and concentration, it calms me–makes me feel drowsy and comforted–even with a high cacao content it just relaxed me.

The other interesting tidbit, was that we all have a time of the day that is our best–I call it our “prime time”. That is when we are mentally and physically at our peak, so can tackle our challenging projects and complete them faster and easier. So far I agree with everything. Then, however, the brief article goes on to give specific times of peak performance, labelling them–”early bird” which apparently is around 9:00 a.m., and “night owl” which is 9:00 p.m….and I don’t seem to fit in either. I am an “early to mid day bird”, somewhere from 10:00 a.m.to 3:00 p.m.

Both articles use research by very qualified and knowledgable experts, however no one knows you or child better than you–and you are the expert that counts, so read critically and always—personalize..personalize..personalize all suggestions and strategies!!

Over the years, our Ministry of Education has taken it upon themselves to “streamline” those comments so that no matter where you live in the province the comments are uniform. They “simplified” the process by placing all the comments on a report card engine on the computer that the teachers must choose from–and they made it more “applicable” by addressing the curriculum–not who really matters–the child–in an educational double talking jargon.

Remember the child–those little individuals that the education system is set up for–those little individuals that the education system is supposed to be preparing for the real world–those little people that are evaluated on their skill development, their application of knowledge understood–their progress. Remember them??

A parent should be able to look at a report card and understand how their child is doing, what areas s/he is excelling in, what needs their child has, what progress their child has made. Instead, I constantly get parents asking me to decipher the comments on their child’s report card.

Who is the target audience for these comments, anyway? It certainly isn’t the parent–or the teacher–or anyone connected with the child’s education. I understand that perhaps, there needed to be some uniformity of language so that the comments matched the marks and meant the same no matter where you were in the province, however those comments should still be focused on the child, not just the curriculum.

So, now,instead of complaining amongst ourselves–get out there and do something. Write, phone, talk to anyone and everyone–and continue doing it–until we are heard!

Of course, her next question was–so how exactly do I do that. Begin with, helping your child to get to really know himself–what is he good at, what are his strengths and challenges, what does he like doing, what doesn’t he like–no judgements, just what is.

Then develop those things he likes and is good at. Have him share those talents with others–develops leadership skills. Praise him specifically–let him “overhear” you praise him to others. Display and support his abilities, no matter your personal preferences.

At the same time, he needs to be aware of his challenges, his needs. They shouldn’t define him, however they shouldn’t be ignored either. Assist him to overcome, adapt or cope with them while at the same time realizing that we all have challenges.

Then finally allow him to make mistakes, to experience frustration and the natural consequences of his actions. In doing so, he will develop resilience and independence. He will see that he can rely on the one person that will be with him his whole life–himself.

We praise the end result, we praise the accomplishment, we praise generally. Our children believe us, after all we are the parents, we will tell them the truth. And–in their minds, if they are good at something, then it should come easily to them. And–when it doesn’t, frustration leads to negativity.

The March issue of the Canadian magazine “Today’s Parent” addressed this very issue in an article with the same title. In my practice, I tell parents that praise is important to self esteem, however that praise needs to be honest and it needs to include the process, not just the end product. If your child worked very hard at something, no matter the end result, s/he should be praised for all the hard work that went into it.

Praise should also be specific. Your child may not be a “great artist”, however the use of bright colours is “very eye catching”, so praise that. Your child may not be “quite an author”, yet writes realistic dialogue–so praise that.

Also, have your child “catch” you praising them to someone–it works wonders for their self esteem–honest, specific praise, that is.

Now, effective praising isn’t the only reason for this kind of negativity. I have addressed some of the other reasons in my previous blogs and invite you to read the complete article in the March issue of “Today’s Parent”.

Extracurricular activities boost a child’s self confidence and self esteem by allowing them to participate in areas of interest and ability.  It also helps to develop people skills, cooperation, responsibility, organization and a whole host of other skills necessary for success.  Besides, it is a good stress reliever for our kids–who seem to have an over abundance of stress in their lives today.

I have had parents ask me if they should take their child out of an extracurricular activity when they are experiencing academic challenges.  In most cases, the child is already feeling bad about him/herself, why make it worse by taking them out of something they are good in.  Having said that, I always caution parents not to over commit their child, or allow their child to do so.  Pick a reasonable number of activities that your child can comfortably handle.  Remember that “reasonable” is different for each child–so treat your children equally, not the same.  Allow your child to have a say in what they want to participate in–it is their activity, not yours.  Develop an ability they have–say singing, drama, art.  Be encouraging and supportive when they are initially frustrated in learning a new skill associated with the activity, however if they have made an effort and tried an activity and still don’t like it, then try something else.

Balance is important here.  Balance between schoolwork, extracurricular activities, family and friends.  A balance for a well rounded child!