It’s heartbreaking when you hear your child say that. You just want to make them feel better, to erase that negative thinking, so many of us do what we think will help–we praise our children–”You are such a good athlete!”–”What an artist” etc.

We praise the end result, we praise the accomplishment, we praise generally. Our children believe us, after all we are the parents, we will tell them the truth. And–in their minds, if they are good at something, then it should come easily to them. And–when it doesn’t, frustration leads to negativity.

The March issue of the Canadian magazine “Today’s Parent” addressed this very issue in an article with the same title. In my practice, I tell parents that praise is important to self esteem, however that praise needs to be honest and it needs to include the process, not just the end product. If your child worked very hard at something, no matter the end result, s/he should be praised for all the hard work that went into it.

Praise should also be specific. Your child may not be a “great artist”, however the use of bright colours is “very eye catching”, so praise that. Your child may not be “quite an author”, yet writes realistic dialogue–so praise that.

Also, have your child “catch” you praising them to someone–it works wonders for their self esteem–honest, specific praise, that is.

Now, effective praising isn’t the only reason for this kind of negativity. I have addressed some of the other reasons in my previous blogs and invite you to read the complete article in the March issue of “Today’s Parent”.